Dorothy, esto no es kansas - Dorothy, This Ain't Kansas No More

            So what is Mexico like, besides hot? Mexico is sort of like The Wizard of Oz.  

            Remember that part in the movie when Dorothy gets to Oz and everything switches from black and white to color? Mexico is outrageously colourful. The Caribbean looks green, not like the cold, grey waters off the coast of Vancouver. Visiting the market is like stepping into someone’s paint box. The buildings there are bright aqua, orange and yellow. Most of the artists aren’t into realism, unless you're accustomed to seeing flowered pigs, blue cats and pink turtles everywhere. In that case, I’m cutting off your Tequila.

            There are no Munchkins in Mexico, but I was as tall as many of the Mexican men, and I’m the shrimp in our family. Most of the women are small and dainty. Like the transformed Grinch, their hearts seem ten times bigger than normal. Be prepared to be made welcome.     

            Did I find a scarecrow or a tin man in our tropical Oz? Well, we met a few guests who seemed to have misplaced their brains. Our cowardly lion was a young traveller on his own who was so afraid of being lonely that he remained staggeringly hammered. When I saw a waiter being stripped of his dignity by irate guests, I did my best to restore his courage. Granny to the rescue! How? By using my meager Spanish to enter a realm in which he was the expert, and by treating him like a person as worthy of respect as anyone else. Maybe I don’t have enough brains, heart or courage to go around, but I never want to be one of those gringos. 

            There are no winged monkeys who will toss you around the GB for the fun of it. Instead, there are buffet waiters vying to get you into their section. They’re every bit as mischievous as the monkeys, but they’ll pour you endless café con leches without spilling a drop. 

            Dorothy was overwhelmed when the Munchkins expected her to take out the Wicked Witch of the West. I felt the same when a few vendors expected me to vanquish poverty by purchasing something every time I paused in front of their stall. The truth is that I love giving presents. I was just as inconsolable as they were that I couldn’t buy more. Silly flight weight restrictions.

            Also, there was some expectation that we would make a financial impact by buying into the GB’s time share or preferred guest program. The gentleman who continually brought up the subject with us wasn’t unpleasant, but our constant refusal gave him a perpetually disappointed expression. There are no sadder eyes than big brown Mexican ones. He totally put Shrek’s Puss-in-Boots to shame.   

            Instead of a yellow brick road, we found cobbled streets everywhere in the Gran Bahia. It’s hard to imagine all the labour that went into that project, especially with the heat.

            Mexico is wonderful. But just as I don’t want to fall asleep forever in the enchanted poppy fields, I find myself echoing Dorothy’s words: “There’s no place like home.” Click, click, click.     

            On a serious note, here are a few things that you might find helpful.

            Rooms: The grounds, lobbies and restaurants at the Gran Bahia are definitely 5 star. The rooms are, IMHO, 3 star, at least the ones in Tulum. More experienced travellers tell me that this is the norm in the tropics, unless you have mega bucks to spend. Our room was comfy and clean, with marble floors and counters. Except for the leak during the rain, it was comparable to what we expect when we book a hotel in Canada, if somewhat dated. It’s like being on a cruise. Remember how little time you expect to spend inside those four walls.

            The housekeeping staff folds towels and pillowcases into a wonderful variety of cloth Origami figures, which they place on your bed after they make it. Although the GB is all-inclusive, we had decided to tip the housekeeping staff. We’d brought little thank you notes in Spanish to thank them. On the day that our housekeeper found out that it was our anniversary, he festooned our room with red Hibiscus flowers. You’ve never been welcomed until you’ve been welcomed in Mexico.

            The patio doors have dark shutters to keep the morning sun out. If you leave the doors open, you’ll get a nice breeze blowing through. You might also get a gecko dropping in. We didn’t, but we were on the third floor. Insects don’t seem to be enough of an issue for them to provide screens.

            There are no elevators in the Tulum's rooms. Either the first floor rooms are accessible or they have special accommodations elsewhere, because we saw more than one guest with a wheelchair. I’d hate to have to navigate one in that tiny bathroom.

            Bathrooms: These are called los baños. My favourite one was by the lobby, because it had an automatic flush. On our snorkelling excursions, we were expected to refrain from flushing any toilet paper. The facilities included a bin in the corner of the stall for that purpose. Be prepared.

            Vacation Representative: Our trip was a SunQuest package. You’ll probably be given an appointment to meet your rep shortly after your arrival. Do it. The reps aren’t GB employees, so their advice is more knowledgeable than biased. Ask them anything you need to know. Our rep was Renan, who gave us invaluable tips about what to expect: Which ATM charged the lowest fees. Where to go shopping. How to take local transit to the city. We booked our excursions through him and were not disappointed.    

            Renan assured us that the GB purifies the water they serve their guests. Our travel agent had said the same thing. So we did what everyone else warned us against – we drank the water! I used bottled water to brush my teeth. Neither of us suffered any ill effects.

            WiFi: We expected to find a business center that provided a computer for our use. There isn’t one. Our upgrade offered us the choice of two old laptops at the Diamond Club reception area. They worked, but seemed to be in perpetual siesta mode. Remember how the whales talked ultra slowly in Finding Nemo? These laptops make those whales look like Speedy Gonzales. We were able to check our emails and FaceBook. Eventually. Our advice? Bring your own device to use with the Wifi in the main lobby area. If you do need to use el senor laptop, his @ key is in a different place on the keyboard from where you'd expect. If you can't find it, ask one of the staff at the counter. They're very patient about reconnecting the computer to the internet.

            Beaches: We were in the water a lot, so we left our things parked on the beach lounge chairs under the thatched umbrellas. Everyone reserves their chairs by simply placing a towel or other item on them. Our belongings were never disturbed.

            Unless you’re a Hobbit, take water shoes. (We got ours from Atmosphere, which were far better quality than the ones in Wal-Mart.) In most places, there are a few rocks you’ll need to cross before the water gets deep enough for swimming. If you want to walk along the mile or so of beach, you won’t need shoes until you get to the extreme south end of the resort.

            TV: Most of the channels are in Spanish, but there were a few American ones. Some have English movies with dubbed in Spanish and English subtitles. Shrek is just as much fun to watch in Spanish      

            Thanks for reading. In my next post, I’ll tell you about the resort food. Es muy delicioso!